I'm back bitches. And boy has it been a while. Life lately has been beyond chaotic. Some days are lively, others simply filled with pure exhaustion and depletion. The struggle for work, life and blog balance has been challenging at best, and something I've found myself contending with over the past few years. One minute you're certain you've found that holy grail of balance, then the next, the unwieldy realisation that such discoveries are hardly feasible in the longterm.

The past few months saw me take a whirlwind trip to Northern Portugal and attempting to relaunch myself back into the freelance world. And all the while being steadily inundated and preoccupied with my usual nine to five. That notion of balance, seemingly lost between the pages. However a beautifully honest post by Shoes and Glitter awakened something from within and brought about some much needed clarity. It wasn't that my love for blogging had expired, but it certainly was waning. And the culprit was through my relentless pursuit of perfection which had truly depleted my creativity and overall enjoyment that came with curating this blog and other social media outlets. There was also the small, awkwardly significant detail that I had just lost motivation.

Plus I was simply burnt out.

Now, I wouldn't say I am returning well rested. Far from it in fact. Nor am I yet to conquer my nemesis "balance". But I do feel as though I am reentering the blogsphere with more transparency and direction. Albeit a work in progress but that is what most blogs are. A permanent document of continual improvement and reinvention. The past year or so I feel as though I've strayed from my original intentions. I had been overly caught up in hype and certain blogging moulds, attempting to conform and seemingly losing my overall vision in the process. It has been a patchwork of disorientation and irregularity. And my worst offending trait has been absence; in every sense of the word, but one I hope to amend in the near future. And while I still stand by my ideals for quality, I'll be far more flexible, organised and (hopefully) consistent in penning such creations. With a firmer focus on my own writings and a deeper exploration into photography, travel and visual stimulation. Most importantly more creativity and cohesion between styling and my own voice.

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The world is in a sorry state of affairs lately. And during times like these it sadly breeds contempt. I mean I can understand why one automatically feels anger at the loss and chaos that unfolds through such actions. We are human after all. But it is also imperative that we don't maintain and encourage such fear and negativity as this ultimately plays into the hands of those pursuing disharmony.

What saddens me most during these turbulent times is the dissension within the community. One whose mass is broader than ever coupled with a most boisterous voice thanks to the big world wide web. I feel as though within the past twenty-four hours I've encountered some of the most vile vociferation to date, despite the success of One Love Manchester. Of course such commotions are seemingly targeted to one group, something which I've always felt was most absurd. Fancy being branded a certain way over the actions of a minute few who've simply managed to acquire pedestals and megaphones to get their sentiments heard. It's akin to saying all Catholics and Christians are homophobic because their church and "faith" refuses to acknowledge gay marriage. Ludicrous right! I happen to fall into the above religious faiths myself (though not entirely practicing) and certainly do not share such sentiments. In fact I am a firm advocate for gay marriage.

So why must we pigeon hole another's faith or skin tone because of a select few?

Be excessively repugnant with our words and request the ostracisation of others? How is it that those who seek such things fail to see that such factionalism is exactly what they want. To conquer by dividing; to recruit by hatred. So let us push our own agenda for benevolence because that is our strength. And that is how love will win.
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"cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right

// oprah winfree 

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Happy New Year to all. I trust you fared well over the holiday season. Mine was delightful, having the pleasure to entertain family traveling to our part of the world (which happens very rarely, if ever). It was fun playing tourist with my American cousins, seeing my town in a different perspective while revisiting some old favourites I long ago abandoned. It also struck a cord within, a wanderlust of sorts and a yearning to explore my very own backyard.

When it comes to New Year resolutions they can be relentlessly fleeting. At times I wonder why we bother? But then again what better time to forge tangible change than during the dawn of a New Year. Right when motivational levels are at epic proportions; not just stirring within yourself but with those around you too.

Looking back 2016 was not a particularly eventful year which left a bitter taste in my mouth; one of unaccomplished concerns, irregardless of momentum and adventures gained at the peak of the year. Last year I resolved to part ways with resolutions, opting to embrace each and every day instead. In hindsight perhaps someone with the innate tendency to procrastinate and flounder should not have been given such freedoms, as I seemingly squandered valuable time away whist simultaneously breaking such pledges to remain present. So this year I made it a point to set myself goals and expectations, electing to be vigilant and rigorous because if I don't reign in those wayfaring ways then I'll find myself in a similar situation; aghast and utterly disappointed at the conclusion of another ineffective year.

So when it came time to ponder my resolutions for 2017 I allowed myself time to linger in thought, requiring each objective to be worth its weight in metaphoric gold. However I decided against dispensing them all here and rather share a subtle conspectus. The main point was to focus on writing followed by the usual intentions for general wellbeing in terms of health and skincare. And the great need to read more and not simply peruse a synopsis or four.

In terms of blogging and writing the battle in achieving balance needs to be attained. I was reading this interview with Camille from Camille over the Rainbow about her foray and struggles with the blogging world. While the article delved in various areas, what stuck most was a paragraph about creating. Creating as if someone you cared about was reading it.

Creating something you were 300% proud of.

The last few months I've pushed myself to create on a regular basis and attempted to regain and master my original posting schedule. One which worked well with my lifestyle two years ago however one which seemingly no longer served. I was determined and yet because of such persistence I ended up wearing myself thin and publishing content and words I wasn't truly gratified with. I don't want to continue down such a route. I want 2017 to be a year I focus on my words because it is a love like no other. I am determined to write more - even if no one will actually read it. I want to grow and push myself further in my writing both creatively and personally, starting with this very post.

On a final note, there was also a need to follow suit with last years intention to remain present. These days I find myself attached to technology excessively. A yearning to share and circulate my vision is becoming overbearing. Especially on my iPhone which has been struggling to safely support this obsession of mine, a grapple I'm experiencing for the first time ever in nearly a decade of iPhone ownership. Taking photos are an ideal method for recalling adventures and moments but at the same time what memories are we actually creating when we are solely present through a manmade screen? In a sense those images become soulless and mere formations of pigmentation. All you did was focus on capturing that perfect shot and nothing more. Who you were with and what they may have said, the sights and smells around you and whether or not the sun gently caressed your skin is omitted, both from memory and actual experience.

Because it's those crucial details that cease to exist without truly being present.

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a Rafflecopter giveaway
Can you believe it has been five years? That I have been blogging on Coco for five years now?!

I had previously decided against marking this milestone, mostly because when I think back to my blogging beginnings my initial five year plan didn't quite match with today's current outcome. But after recently celebrating fellow blogger Rowena from Rolala Loves fifth blogversay, I begin to have a change of heart. While my path may have swerved erratically during these past few years, from confusing beginnings to fashion focused middles and all too often writers blocks, the fact that I am still here is something to be jubilant about.

I am proud of where I am today, regardless of where or how I originally wanted to lead this pursuit. Especially considering that these past few years have been far from effortless. From starting up a business and promptly failing to succumbing and contending with anxiety and panic disorder issues. During that time this blog become my lifeblood and a welcome distraction. Through random musings and words it also become an outlet for expressing a fervor need to be creative. I poured my heart and soul into Coco, at times revealing too much and others not nearly enough.

It hasn't always been smooth sailing in the blogging world. I've experienced highs and numerous lows. While I tend to share many frustrations and add my own two cents on topics du jour, there were a few things I decided to withhold. Like being dropped by one of the top-tier affiliate programs during one of the worst periods in my life. In terms of blogging I always saw this as my greatest failure as a blogger. But after conversing with fellow blogger Rita from Coast with Me, I came to realise it wasn't as great an issue as I'd initially created. Such circumstances never held me back and in the end I found programs that exceeded my expectations.

Blogging isn't always picture perfect,  and for me there's always this perpetual inner conflict with identity and what to produce slash focus on. And lately the struggle in trying to find some sense of balance between writing, blogging and a part-time merchandiser role.

Of course there are many perks to blogging. The greatest has to be all the friends I have made and continue to make; friends I do hope to meet one day. I have been fortunate to meet a string of incredible ladies thus far. People like Mandy from Frocks and Froviloites, Abby from House of Akih, Rita from Coast with Me and Katherine from Wanderhour. I've also been fortunate to work with some fabulous brands and interview some extraordinary individuals. Blogging truly has been so astoundingly rewarding. So much more than ever expected or anticipated.

And I can not tell you how truly and sincerely grateful I am to all my amazing readers and blog friends.

So to celebrate not only this milestone but all my fabulous readers and the friends I've made along the way, I've decided to gift one lucky individual a brand new, very much coveted (and totally cute) COMME des GARCONS polka dot clutch. This giveaway will run for three weeks (because three is my lucky number and five would be far to long a stretch) and is open internationally. All you've got to do is enter via Rafflecopter (to your right).

I will ask that the winner perhaps sends me a photo or three of their new baby.
Photos by Elizabeth Oro 

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I took a much needed break from Instagram late last year and since my return I'm having difficulty getting back into the Insta-game; which isn't such a bad thing really.

You see, before said break I found myself persistently glued to my iPhone screen; perpetually checking for notifications. And even if there were none, I'd have an incessant yearning to open up the app and check for new posts. I became obsessed with figures, to the point where it essentially began to dominate my days. Everything became systematic and the inspiration and enjoyment I once associated with Instagram became overwhelming and upsetting. Especially with FOMO continuously causing great anxiety.

I realised how unhealthy this infatuation had become and decided to allow myself some breathing room; not just from posting but from perusing also. And it was one of the best things I could have done for myself because in stepping away I managed to gain some much needed clarity. I realised just how much this had no longer become an enjoyable process. From attaining ridiculous "follower" goals to creating a meticulous display in certain hues. The need and extreme pressure I placed on myself to perform, gain and create an impeccable feed was absurd.

In having returned I noticed that I wasn't alone with my absence. There were a handful of 'grammers who also felt constricted and needed a time-out. I truly adore the fact that I am no longer compelled to check my phone every few minutes (my battery life has also extended significantly) and because of this Instagram is becoming amusing once again. And while I may have returned to social media my presence remains inconspicuous. Something which once would have distraught me terribly, now phases me not. I'm still getting used to the annoying categorising in ones feed and the new Snapchat-esque "Stories" feature. Though I can't say I am a huge fan of the latter.

By nature I am a perfectionist, so the need to curate a visually vibrant and immaculate display remains; albeit sans the extreme pressures. And while posting may be sporadic, feel free to check me out over on @soniademacedo
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